Tuesday Tidings
2003-12-23 - 7:50 a.m.
Well Diary, I went shopping AGAIN yesterday. That has to be the 45th time I've gone shopping in the past ten days. But it's aiight. As much as I sometimes dislike shopping (ESPECIALLY around the holidays), I haven't gotten too antsy this holiday shopping season.
I've just sucked it up and gone out into the shopping jungle and conquered all the gifts I wanted to get people this year.
Except one. Thre's one person I just don't know WHAT to get.
My cousin. He's between the ages of 13 and 15. No one really knows his age. I want to get him something really nice because his sisters (16 & 17) abandon him and don't want him cramping their style when they ride out and he's been having a really difficult time with school because of a learning disability...
I just want to get him something really nice that he would really love. I'm having the hardest time picking something out. And he's such a good boy, never getting into any trouble. I want to reward him. I'll probably be in the mall tomorrow, trying to get him the best gift I can find. Oh well, he deserves it.
And surprisingly, I haven't spent as much money as I thought I would this holiday season and I've gotten EVERYBODY on my list what I wanted to get them. I think there were around 30 people on my list this year so that's something. LOL.
A lady at my job asked me if I was losing weight. I made a screwed up face at her (we cool like that). It wasn't until she asked me that I realized that I am really doing it for myself this time. I'm really getting on that treadmill and monitoring my eating because I want to, not because I want to impress anybody or lose weight for anybody else. I can honestly say this is the first time I've gone into it with this mindframe. For real.
And damn if that don't feel good. LOL.
I ain't really got much on my mind this here morning. Just kinda dreading wrapping presents. But I'll do it. It's gonna be done whether I want to do it or not. LOL.
I'ma try and come wish you a Merry Christmas, Diary, but I won't promise.
Here's another holiday song to carry you through:
"One thing you should know (one thing you should know). Wherever you go (wherever you go). He is, he's the reason. One thing I can say (one thing I can say). On this special day (on this special day). He is!" - Kirk Franklin & the Family, "Jesus is the Reason"
EDIT:
Lauryn Hill ft. Mary J. Blige - I Used To Love Him
As I look at what I've done
The type of life that I've lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight
I used to love him but now I don't
Now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't
Now I don't
I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being a queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend
Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn
I used to love him but now I don't
Now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't
Now I don't
Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished
I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold, I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with
I used to love him but now I don't
Now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't
Now I don't
Diary, I just CANNOT get this song out of my head. It just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. It's almost like I never even turned off my stereo, almost like I didn't even forget the CD at home today. I haven't even heard this song since the weekend but it's still in my head...LOUD I might add.
Especially the part about "Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated for something to happen that just wasn't fated."
And what's weird about it is that I haven't been in this situation in a long time but I feel like I still need to listen. Even though it's the way I feel anyway, I still feel like I need to listen. I need to listen. I need to listen.
I need to digest and understand what is being said. I need to. I need to.
Why? Why? Why?
I'm such a prepared person. I'm always prepared for something that is coming my way. I store thoughts and proverbs and advice in my mind so if ever there is a time where I need a word or two, I can just dig in my brain and retrieve some reinforced common sense. I wonder if that is what is happening now. Without me even knowing it.
I have to take that as the explanation for Lauryn's voice having free reign in my head.
She in there singing even louder than Faith and you know nobody has dominion over my mind like my girl Faith Evans!
I don't know. I'll just take what I'm hearing and store it as best I can. I hate to say that I'ma be needing it soon, 'cause that just seems like I'm gonna be setting myself up for something, but I'm just not one to walk away from my instincts.