"If I could!"
2003-11-19 - 8:52 a.m.
11-19-03
I'm well on the way to sick, Diary. I held this whatever-it-is at bay for as long as I could. I'm tired of fighting it now. Come on, knock me down and out you nasty ole virus! I'd rather you have your fun now than at Christmas and New Year's time...
And yes Diary, I have finally added Regina Belle's Super Hits to the CD rotation in Da ECHO. She will sing us out today, btw.
I had a dream I went back to that sex shop last night. It was funny though 'cause this time, the shop sold hair and other beauty supplies. I had my hair all out in an afro and the clerk was still tryin' to get me to buy some silky straight or deep wave or something like that. I remember picking up a pack for my mother that said something like, "flips like real hair". ?!?! Yeah, that's what I was thinking in the dream. LOL.
And my wifey (my best friend) played in a band for some vampires who bailed on her and she had to pack up all the equipment by herself so I went to help. I wanted to keep the soap dispensers they had with them... Ooookay.
Then, this morning, I woke up all bright and chipper and full of damn energy. Which I don't understand at all being that my throat is about to try and kill me if it swells up anymore and makes it hard for me to eat. Like I said Diary, I held it off for as long as I could, thinking healthy thoughts, ignoring the aches and pains and headaches. But it's to the point of no return now. When the throat is completely red, it's out of my hands. So, it's out of my hands. LOL.
I love Viva la Bam. I see some of my mother in Don Vito. LOL. What she isn't, her brother/my uncle is. I'd probably be Ape. Sitting around, acting like it's killing me, all the crazy things that my son is doing. But knowing that I really am having a good time amidst it all. Yeah, I'm Ape.
I've realized that I'll probably be getting The Black Album for Christmas. I don't feel like buying it just because I don't feel like spending the money on it. Not that I don't think it's gonna be as good as it's being hyped up to be. Trust, I believe the hype. I'd just rather it be given to me. I don't know why. *he he*
Same with Alicia Keys. Not completely though cause the main reason I don't want to buy hers is for fear I'll be as disappointed with this one as I was with her last (where is that CD anyway?). Her new song, I'm not even feeling it that much. The only part I really like is the one where she goes "and you'll never know how good it feels to have all of my affection". Honestly, that's the only part. Okay, the line before it. But other than that? I just ain't with her. I just feel like the song is a big fat loop. And when she does that scratchy "ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh"... Nah man. I'll wait 'till Christmas for that when I'll be getting it for free.
And the video... Can we say "overly long"?! I mean really, I believe I read about three blogs and my horoscope and turned around and her video was still on. The whole talking scene needs to be removed. We know what it's all about, okay?
And when she does the "hold up, my phone is breaking up" (which reminds me, they had the Verizon guy at the game on Sunday! I was SO excited! LOL), she doesn't even move! Just turns to the right. You gotta walk around to recatch a signal. You can't just do a 15 degree turn. Come on now! And can we act like the phone rang?! Please?! Let us see the anxiety between her dialing the number and the phone ringing and him answering. That be 'bout a good 26 seconds of hard heart-beating. For real! At least for me anyway.
And I know I don't watch the news on the regular but damn! When the hell did all this mess with Jack-o pop off?! I turn on the television and see a stream of police cars and all that going into Neverland. And here's Johnnie Cochran and the lady from Court TV (you know the lady, Diary). And how the hell did my TV land on Larry King Live?! LOL!
I was all out of it when I got home yesterday though, so I can see how that could have happened.
But still Diary! I really can't understand why there is a woman out there whose sole purpose in journalism for the last ten years has been to follow the legal trials of Michael Jackson. 10 YEARS?! She didn't get bored?! I mean, really! And who the hell is payin' her? How the hell is she gettin' paid?! LOL! But 10 years, she must be gettin' paid somehow. At least I hope...
Diary, I ain't really got much on my mind, that's why I'm rambling. LOL. Actually, I do have thangs a few thangs on my mind, I just don't feel like getting to them. Like the pressure to maintain contact with my half-sisters... I meant to write them. I did. But after 30 days, AOL drops the e-mail from my inbox, so what am I supposed to do? It's not any kind of excuse, I know. Especially since I should have replied when they sent the e-mails. But it's just... I can almost say I don't want to but that wouldn't be "nice". And it's just nice to be nice, I know. So I'll try to be nice. I will.
And I need to go see my great aunts and uncles more. One just died up in Georgia. Her funeral is today. I only met her once but my mother and my mother's siblings were well-acquainted with the lady. Not growing up around her, I couldn't really have a relationship with her. But the ones that I do have here, have known all my life, who support me and encourage me everytime I see them, I need to be more consistent with. I make time to go out and party, I make time to sleep my life away, I make time for a lot of things, so I need to make time for them.
I need to make time for a lot more people and things too but sometimes, I just want to make time for me. I just want a few days where I make decisions that have nothing to do with anyone else. I just want a few consecutive days, just two or three, where all of my decisions and thoughts are self-centered. Where I don't feel pressure or obligations to think about others. Just two or three days. Then I could come back to my regular life of worrying about each and everybody else before I think about me. Just two or three days.
Just two or three days.
Aiight Diary. I'm 'bout to be gone. Gotta get some work done...or should I say "to do". LOL.
Here's Regina. And what's "something" about it is that, when this song came out, I really didn't understand everything she was saying but I sang the song anyway. I sang it 'cause it touched me. Why? I didn't really know. I just imagined my mother singing those words to me (which she did a few times) and it made the song mean that much more to me. Now that I understand, I can't wait for the opportunity to sing this song to my child:
"If I could, I'd protect you from all the sadness in your eyes. Give you courage in a world of compromise. Yes I would. If I could, I would teach you all the things I never learned. And I'd help you cross the bridges that I burned. Yes I would. If I could..." - Regina Belle, "If I Could"
LOL @ "lay down and diiieee!!!". I keep hearing Lil' Mo sangin' that in my head. LOL!!! Stop it Mo!