2003-11-12 - 8:21 a.m.

Aaliyah - "Try Again"

Jon Secada - "Angel"

I was riding to work this morning, Diary, and these songs were attacking me full force. I don't know where they came from and I don't know why they were stuck in my head once they arrived. I'm having none of these thoughts these days so I can't figure it out.

Well, that's my mind and I'm stickin' to it! LOL.

Sallie Mae called my house yesterday! Oh, whoa is me! *damn, is that me moaning like that?!* LOL. I didn't know why they hadn't sent me no coupons yet to start payin' 'em back. My momma been got hers over the summer and she graduated a month later than me. Then again, everything for a reason. They said I'm still in my grace period (by the grace of God!) so I don't owe anything yet but I will be receiving my coupon book soon enough.

I owe $20,000.

Which, for some reason, doesn't really trouble me as much as it should, or should I say does some others. Maybe because I don't mind owing $20k on a $130,000 education (seeing that amount in numbers right in my face - it's just absolutely ridiculous). But I wouldn't trade my experience for the world 'cause I was in that place, in that environment, around all those people for a few specific reasons, all of which have helped me in many ways.

To those around me who grumble about my debt (unless you gon' pay my bills, why are you so concerned in the first place?): Look, we all gon' have debt in this life. And that's reality. I'll probably end up with less debt than them because I'm so thrifty in the first place. But that's neither here nor there...for now anyways.

Diary, I really can't stand people who can't listen for talkin' so damn much! You mention something and they got the whole simple solution, what the doctor should have said, what the psychological implications will (notice, not could) be, etc., etc. People like that, I really don't like talking to. It's not that they make me feel inferior because honestly, half (if not most of) the time, certain people I just allow to go off at the mouth so they can get the pleasure of hearing their own bull-ish. Most of the time, they wrong wrong wrong! But since you can't tell 'em nothin', you just let the diarrhea flow.

And trust me, I love giving credit where credit is due. But for real, can ya just shut up and listen for a minute so you can learn something in this life??! Just because you say it don't mean it's right. I know, it hurts. Wipe yo damn tears and suck it up! Life is about learning and if you ain't learnin', you ain't livin'. And if you feel like you can't learn anything more because you already know everythang? Ya dead. Get over yourself!

And this type of ish from somebody whose life is falling apart as a result of the choices they make and continue to make everyday?! Come on now! I mean, you need to REALLY get over yourself.

Wheeee that felt good Diary! *you make me feel so good baby! ooh! ooh!*

I woke up this morning thinking that I wanted to take some classes next semester. Not grad school, that ain't comin' 'till the fall. I'm talkin' 'bout some HTML and thangs like that. I'ma be up to date wit my stuff though. I want to take some certification classes and thangs like that. I have the time and I really don't need to allow my brain to get too mushy from inactivity. So, next semester, I'm jumpin' on it.

*Diary, where did I go? I never thought I would be sittin' up nowhere talkin' 'bout I'm finna take classes just because. I must be coming down with something...*

Cee Lo is in town tonight. I'm thinking hard on whether or not I should go see him. It's free, which is one of my favorite things and all I really need to hear for me to hop up and put on some clothes. But really. I haven't been feeling too healthy lately and I went to bed so late last night and Thursday night is a given that I won't get much sleep... But it's free. And I like my little round Cee Lo. "Gettin' Grown". I love it! I don't think he'd be singin' that one though. I don't know. We'll see where the night takes me.

I'll holla at you tomorrow, Diary, if I make it in to work.

I'll let Jon serenade you while I'm away (I wonder if I used these lyrics before? Oh the hell well, Diary. You need to feel 'em again.):

"And baby I, I tried to forget you. But the light in your eyes still shines. You shine like an angel, a spirit that won't let me go." Jon Secada, "Angel"

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