Let Dem Dogs Rest!
2003-10-27 - 8:18 a.m.
5 years ago, if someone would have told me that one day, I'd include TBN as one of the networks I watch, I would have looked at them crazy.
My weekend was exactly what it needed to be: restful. I didn't "go" anywhere but to the movies (to see Scary Movie 3 - just because it was the thing to see this weekend. It was exactly what I expected it to be so I wasn't disgusted). Other than that, I relaxed with family and friends and thought about a few things...
okay one thing...
okay someone in particular.
Maybe I wasn't thinking about the person so much as what the person did for me/helped me to realize. It all relates to the romantic thing. Ever since my pledge on September 12, I've been becoming more and more robotic. Get up, go to work or wherever I'm going at the crack of dawn on whatever day, be at work or doing what I gotta/wanna do, come home and do plenty thangs or turn right around and go plenty places, come home and crash.
Without ever feeling any real emotions. I mean, I was feeling love for my family and friends. But no love-love in my heart, ya know? I wasn't thinking about anybody like that for real. Just wasn't happening.
Then last week, what went down...
It(he) just made me realize that I can't go through life living like that. It's not healthy, it's not kosher...it's just not right. Walking around, suppressing natural emotions to the point where I forget how to feel them, how to use them. It ain't right.
Now, I'm not sayin' I'm 'bout to reneg on my damn pledge. I'm just saying I'm 'bout to stop thinking only with the brain in my head and try to start exercising the one in my chest.
And I sho' ain't finna be like Model's Weave and hold my damn heart "in my hand, ready to throw it like a softball" (these are her own words). What I will do is give the vicious dogs guarding my heart some steaks to calm them the hell down.
The good Lord promised me life so that I may have it more abundantly. He placed it in my hands to make of it what I will. I feel like I've done a pretty good job in other areas of this here life. Now, I want to try to focus on the love department. All I have to do is examine the merchandise in this part of the store. ("Child-check on the nigga in isle 3 please.")
"Oh, why let this opportunity pass by? You should hold on..." and "All I ever needed was a subject..."