Grad School...
2003-09-30 - 2:11 p.m.
Honestly...(maybe I'll start out every entry with this word so that I remember to be as honest as I can)...
I'm intimidated.
I'm intimidated by the prospect of applying to graduate school and taking the admissions test. The thought of taking the GMAT is intimidating me. The idea of going back to my alma mater and asking professors that I had no relationship with to write me letters of recommendation for the application itself is intimidating to me.
The GMAT should not really be as much of an issue to me as it is though. I walked into a practice test COLD (no studying - I literally woke up late, got dressed and went to take the practice test) and got a 530, which is the minimum requirement for most programs. However, I want to get in the high 600's (preferably at least a 650) so that I can get an assistantship or something similar so that I can have some of my schooling paid for. Problem is, I don't want to study. How will I get a high score without some form of studying? It can't be done.
But then again, I don't want to study and still not get my high score. That is probably what is bothering me more than just not getting a high score - putting in the studying and not excelling. That's what's bothering me. But I have to take the chance, otherwise I'll end up paying for my education. Which really isn't so bad, I just hate the thought of loans. UGH! Yuck, yuck, yuck!
I'm not afraid of graduate school itself. I have no fear about going back to school. I guess because the school frame of mind is still fresh, it's still here. It'll just be like I took a little break. I'm ready to get back into it. I honestly wish I would have gone right back but I know I needed this time to just be.
I just need to be productive! I went home last night and got in the bed at 8 o'clock. There was so much I could have done between 8 and 11 (which is the time I need to at least be laying in bed if I wanna wake up in the morning feeling somewhat refreshed). But no, I hopped my butt right in the bed and let Andre convince me that I am "the prototype" while he took me to dreamland.
Speaking of Andre...I was so glad that I had Ice Cold accompany me home yesterday on my commute from work. The weather was terrible meaning the traffic was horrific. But Andre singing/talking in my ears made the ride not so stressful.
I am very upset with him though. He is sharing our private conversations and his special feelings for me with the whole world, who loves it when you're in the news. The man got all of he and I's business out in the streets! Oh goodness. I'm just sitting here waiting on the calls to start pouring in: "Girl, that nigga wanna lay in yo hair?! What you DID to him???"
I guess I'll be waiting for a day that'll never come, huh? I ain't neva met no Andre 3000 and probably never will. But let me shut up before I go out and see him somewhere...
I just feel so lazy and I hate that feeling. I mean I adore sleep but mostly only when I deserve it. I used to love sleep the most when I got a chance to lay down after weeks of running myself into the ground. Now, I sleep just because and that ain't as fun. LOL. I'm sick, I know. But I'm serious though!
I don't even want to watch tv anymore. Watching tv just reminds me that I have nothing else to do. Oh yuck, yuck, yuck! I'm just too bored these days. And I refuse to spend money in the pursuit of excitement. I'll sit at home and rehash the status of my bank account over and over before I do something rash like spend money on going out during the week (other than Thursday anyway).
I need a freaking hobby but I'm afraid of committment! LOL. I just hate dedicating myself to anything because I let it consume me. I obsess about it. But hey, I have plenty of time to obsess over nothing so I might as well, right? Riiiiiggghhhttt...
Enough talkin' about what I'm afraid of. I gotta be strong! Shoot.
Adios para ahora.