"She lives in my lap..."
2003-09-29 - 9:15 a.m.
Good Morning Monday.
I'm happy to be here this morning. Happy to be at work. Happy to have gotten here safely... I'm just good this morning. Just good.
This weekend was pretty good. Friday night was something else though. I had a suprisingly good time with Model's Weave on Friday night. But other than that, my weekend was very restful.
Ran into one of my ex-stalkers yesterday in a scene that came right out of a novel. And I'm never the drama-involved type. I don't like being all caught up in some drama that I can't handle. Thankfully, he was a punk and didn't catch a buc about it. Unfortunately, this may spur him back into stalker-mode. I hope he just forgets about the whole thing and me though.
In a way, I feel bad 'cause if it was me in his place yesterday, I think I mighta been real hurt... But now that I think back over it, even after what happened and my honest (honesty is so freaking hard most times!) explanation of why I ceased contact with him, he was still hinting at stuff. Like us hooking back up kinda stuff! I don't feel bad about anything anymore. The boy got problems.
I feel myself getting too comfortable doing much of nothing. All I do these days is go to work. I do go visit "my kids" on Tuesdays and my Thursdays have been occupied for the past couple of months. Friday-Sunday are not a problem 'cause something always comes up for those days. But I don't have anything for Mondays or Wednesdays after work.
Yeah, I could be exercising on those two days but once I get home and know I have nothing to do, it's all over.
I wouldn't mind taking a class. Knitting or dance or something like that. Something to just keep me busy, keep my mind occupied. It would be nice to just continue to rest on those days. But too much rest makes me lazy, period. I've gotten enough. Time to get and stay busy.
Before I forget, Friday was kind of a weird day for me. I woke up Friday morning determined that I would have a good day. Once I got to work though, it was another story. Not that anything happened, because absolutely nothing out of the ordinary did happen. All of a sudden though, my mood completely changed and I was very...just real down. But I was determined not to allow myself to go out like that.
And it worked. I found something good in everything I could for the rest of my day at work. After it being all gloomy outside all day, the sun began to shine and the clouds disappeared. Like I said, I had a good time that night. One of the best I've had in a while, as a matter of fact.
I realized that no matter what is going on, the way I feel in the end is largely based on my attitude towards things. If things are going wrong and I allow myself to wallow in what's wrong instead of looking at what's still good, then I'm a goner.
Holding onto something is better than letting go of everything. I really realized that on Friday.
And Andre has "got me open wide" with The Love Below. I haven't really had a chance to sit down and give Speakerboxxx a good listen (I almost died when I heard Patti on #2!). I'll make some time for it today probably. But Andre? Whoa. "Prototype" and "She Lives in My Lap" are on repeat right now.
"She stays alone. Never sheds a single tear."
Aiight. Let me go try and be productive...