Mama U Know I Lub U!
2003-09-18 - 3:57 p.m.
It's OFFICIAL!
My mama is CRAZY!
I will relay, as best I can, the last part of the phone conversation we just had...
Mama: *making chomping noises*
Me: Is that them Salt&Vinegar chips you was being stingy with last night? Is that them Wise chips?
Mama: Naw girl. But I had me some earlier. Some Lays Salt&Vinegar. Before I realized it, I had don' ate 'bout half the bag.
Me: No mommy! Oh no!
Mama: Yeah girl. And they was the bomb! [Girl @ her job] tried to buy the rest of them from me for $.50 cent. But I ain't give 'em to her 'cause she was already standing there munching on my doggon' chips. The nerve!
Me: Well make sure you bring what u got left for me to have on the way home (since I'm picking her up, which adds a good 45 minutes to my already-damn-near-starving commute to the house). And I want you to bring those Oreos I found in your bag last night too!
Mama: Girl, them Oreos might not make it. I only have 4 of them suckas left. That's why I'm all gassy now.
Me: 4?! OH NOOO!!! 4??!!! (all this reaction because it was one of those long boxes of Oreos, which contains about 16 cookies)
Before the next part is read, a couple of things have to be explained:
1) My mother just told me the day before yesterday that she had an appointment with a dietician. They needed to know what she ate over the course of three days - this past Monday to Wednesday.
2) Her truck broke down last Friday but got "fixed" on Tuesday (Damn no-good mechanic that my stepdaddy is all sprung over. But you see I'm picking her up today 'cause his bama self messed something else up in the process...)
Mama: That's why I'm in the mess I'm in now. I called the Dietician and told them my car broke down. I ain't lie though! Am I lyin'?!
Me: But you know you coulda got there if you wanted to.
Mama: Yeah, I coulda took a cab. But pay $10 for what? For the man to tell me I'm fat? I already know I'm fat! Why I wanna pay $10 to a taxi driver for him to take me over there for the doctor to tell me something I already know.
Me: *head under my desk 'cause I'm laughin' so damn hard* I'm at my job. I gotta go. *Click.*
That lady...!!! And this is everyday! I can't even begin on the rest of the conversation.
Dat's why I lub huh so much!