Can't Ever Forget.
2003-09-17 - 2:16 p.m.
I had real sugar in my coffee this morning. My stomach is hurting. I didn't have a lot though. But my stomach is still hurting. I wish I could find something else to drink in the morning that would give me the same ability to stay awake as coffee, but I haven't.
And I don't want no tea to make me pee.
I don't even know where that came from. So we'll just leave it alone...LOL.
My life needs to change - like NOW. I feel like there's this next step that's waiting for me to take it. There are a few problems with this: I don't know where to find this next step. Hell, I don't even know what this next step is!! I don't even know for sure that this next step is ready to be taken.
I just really feel like Phase II is set and ready to begin as soon as I give the go-ahead. But my foot is hanging in mid-air right now. Why? Fear. I'm afraid to make the next move, go on to the next stage, conquer the next mountain.
Why am I afraid?
Because I feel like this next era of my life will have me moving away from everything that I know as of right now. I feel like it's going to carry me off to a new place with new things and new people (all of these new to me anyway).
Am I ready for that to happen?
I honestly believe I am. I just fear leaving people behind. I don't want to forget about anybody or anything. My memory is so short at times that it seems this could likely happen. I don't want to leave everything I've ever known behind in the pursuit of brand newness. I never want to forget anything.
So, to avoid forgetting, I want to stay behind too? Is that right? I mean, is that really the best thing for me to do? To stay behind? Honestly, it ain't. I can't do that to myself. I can't hold myself back just for the sake of remembering. Isn't remembering standing where you are right now, reflecting on something that once was?
So doesn't that mean that I need to plow ahead so that I can get to a new place where I will reflect back on the decision I made today?
Sounds good to me. All that's left now is for me to move forward...
Coffee it is.