2003-09-10 - 2:16 p.m.

Place: The Bedroom of The 'Rents

Setting: Mama wants Me to spend some quality time with her. She's watching the city council meeting (tha realesss reality TV - thang almost got me hooked too) and I'm reading a book. We're both laid back, relaxing in the bed.

Mama (turning to face me): You know what I CAN'T STAND?!

Me (looking up from my book): What would that be?

Mama (contorting her face): TOENAILS! THEY JUST MAKE ME SICK! If I see 'em growin' in, I have to IMMEDIATELY cut 'em off!

*Now that I think about it, this could have something to do with that time I cut the HELL out of her leg with my overgrown big-toe-toenail back when I was 6...*

Me (beginning to smile): Well, then. THIS should make you sick to your stomach!

What is THIS you wonder?

THIS is me pulling my foot from under the comforter and displaying my pretty foot with all the toenails waaay long (yeah, it's been awhile since they've been properly tended to).

*And what's crazy about it is that I was JUST in the nail salon with one of The Guhlz a few hours earlier. She got her feet done while I got my fill-in. I seriously considered getting mine done too 'cause hers came out the B-O-M-B but I just ain't feel like spending the money this week. (Next week though. Fa sho.)*

Upon seeing the state of my toenails, Mama lunged to attack my foot with the nail clipper but I'm too quick with the leg retraction. I got my foot all safe and secure under the comforter before she had a chance to detach my long-ass toenails.

I return to reading my novel...

Next thing I know, this female don' jumped off her side of the bed and ran around to the side I'm laying on. She has jumped onto my abdomen, effectively pinning me down while she goes for the feet. Mind you, ol' girl always talkin' 'bout how her leg is stiff and she can't walk fast and all this and all that about her joints aching. But she was quicker and quieter than a flying roach in getting waaaay over to the other side of the room to get to my toenails.

She even called in the brigade (my stepdad) to assist her. He came in from the other room clearly stating that he would never help her do something like that to me. Then, he proceeds to attempt to hold down my ankles.

Together, they were too strong for me to conquer! The fear that began to creep into my heart upon the sight of that nail clipper steadily advancing toward my right big toe was more than I could bear. The only thing I could think to do was scream so loud that the neighbor would hear me and call the police.

So, that's what I did.

I must have been too soft though, 'cause they didn't let up. Had to do it a second time (and EXTREMELY loud) to let them fools know I was serious!

They scurried back to their posts (hers - her side of the bed; his - the living room) in fear of the police sirens that should have soon been approaching.

And don't you know, the police never showed up?!

Meaning my neighbor never did call them?!?!

And I KNOW he was home!

Tsk, tsk...the city I live in...

In Other News: I just ain't feel like goin' to work yesterday, so I didn't. Something in my mind wasn't operating properly and being in the office would have only made it worse. So, I took some ME-TIME. Got to see a lot of sunshine and sky during the day, which is something I can't do at work being that there are no windows in my office...

I've got to live like that. I've got to have a career where I can go outside and run little personal errands during my workday.

I've got to, got to, got to.

So, I will.

Period.

For some reason, I'm wondering what today has in store for me. Then again, some things, it's just better (one way or the other) to have them just happen than to know in advance that they're going to happen.

antes - despues