2003-08-08 - 8:26 a.m.

The day has arrived! LOL. I'm not bubbling over with excitement but I'm not drowning in the murky waters of pessimissm either. I'm just happy to have woken up this morning and I pray that my friends and I have a safe trip up and back and that we enjoy each other's company.

Okay, me and two of my most fun girls headed out to the Funk Jazz Lounge last night. We had gone last week but being first-timers to the new venue, we suffered through hours of standing and breathing a limited air supply, which did not allow us to fully enjoy ourselves.

This time was a completely different story. It was the 2nd Anniversary of the Funk Jazz Lounge. Dwele was performing. So, we arrived exxtra-early and my lively friend Miss Pooh secured us THE BEST seats in the house! (People thought we paid for that table. Everybody was jealous!!! LOL. I would have been too if it were me in any other seat.)

So, we're there, eating, drinking, completely enjoying our own company. The show starts. 1.5hrs of wonderful poetry. For real. (Somebody please look up Queen Sheba from Virginia. She got some words for ya.)

(And in regards to my last post, I have been to this "poetry spot" before. As a matter of fact, I was a member of the very first audience. I was probably the very first audience member to sit in the Funk Jazz Lounge Poetry Session because I didn't see nobody else up in the room when I walked in back then. It's not just something I do to meet a guy. I don't even look at the poets half the time because I'm trying to focus on what they're saying.)

We know Dwele is performing but the host is hinting that there's another special guest. Here is where my night becomes just...hmmmm...

I turn my head to the right just to glance at the crowd and see if I see anymore familiar faces (half the crowd was already a familiar face from some era of my life). I do see one more: Kanye West. (Yes I did write a month or so ago that I wanted to marry someone like him.) I realize he's the special guest. (I was so glad I had my camera with me!)

He gets up there and I'm...not mesmerized. Just happy. I mean, I was in a place where people were living their damn dreams by expressing themselves in a creative way. I was with my best friend and one of the most positive people (Miss Pooh just exudes and attracts positivity!) I know. We were already having fun with ourselves. And then to see my fantasy standing on stage? Goodness gracious.

He performed three pieces. The whole time, being that we had THE BEST seats in the house, he was basically saying everything to us (you know that's how I had to think of it! LOL!).

The whole scenario just made me so happy. Why? Because at another point in my life when I just knew that every male I came in contact with could possibly be the love of my life, I would have sat in that same chair and done my best to stare into Kanye's eyes and make him believe that I was the love of his damn life and that he was meant for me. Back then, just because he was Kanye West, producer-extraordinaire, he would have been the one that was meant for me. I would have missed everything he had to say because I would have been working too hard trying to make sure he knew that I was supposed to be the mother of his children and that I was the one he needed to take on tour with him because I was worth it. I was worth it, I was worth it.

Now? I know that he is just a man. His fame does not make him better than me or any other man. His fame does not mean we are supposed to be married tomorrow. He was just a man expressing himself through poetry on that stage. Just like the man who did a poem about the sorry apology given to Nelson Mandela by the mayor of our city. Just like the man who did a poem thanking his mother for the way she raised him. Just like the man who did a poem about the downward spiral of society. The only difference, his pieces were lighthearted.

I'm just glad that I have arrived to a place where I realize that I am not under anyone else. I am right on top with the rest of the world. I don't need somebody to come with their oodles of money and save me anymore, come rescue me with their notoriety anymore.

God has already done that. He has already saved me soul and rescued my spirit. There is not enough money in the world to bring the RESTORATION, COMFORT, FAITH and HOPE that God brought to my life.

I'm glad I was able to just sit and enjoy the company I had and enjoy the poetry that was delivered and enjoy MYSELF overall, without thoughts of anybody else clouding my damn mind.

I am not ashamed to admit I was that young girl all caught up in fame, hoping and wishing that some rich, famous thug in a t-shirt and baggy jeans with tha bling-bling chain and a Bentley would come sweep me off my feet and take me away. I'm not ashamed at all because I'm not still thinking that way. I realize that my happiness is what is most important in my life and I control that. I don't need any man to be happy. I'm not saying I don't need a man... (even though that is the way I think...I'll just leave this thought alone. LOL.)

I realize that nobody can "make" me happy. I have to be happy with myself first in order to enjoy whatever additional happiness somebody else could bring to me.

[So much for structure. But whatever. It is pretty clear that this is my damn diary. It all makes sense in the end.]

I just think of how magical God makes things happen in my life and I just can't wait for the next day to come. It's like I want to see what God has for me next if he bringin' it like he is today! LOL. That's my dawg, fa real.

And by the way, I will be picking up Dwele's album.

Ya'll enjoy the weekend, ya hear!

antes - despues