2003-08-06 - 3:43 p.m.

"Said I loved you but I lied..."

My best friend just told me that she found out this dude she's been dealing with for months slept with another girl a few weeks ago and that he's more than probably (basically, he is) still messing with the girl. I don't know what to say about it. It's a shame really. This is the kinda stuff that makes you say, "good niggas don't exist".

I'm sure there are good guys out there. They just need to show themselves. They hide behind computers and don't socialize with other people. That's why they can't be found. They don't understand that females are used to being approached. Honestly. We're used to somebody coming to get us. Then there's the whole thing about the Knight in Shining Armor...

Yeah, you might be a good nigga, but how are we supposed to know where to find you?! You have to make yourself seen at least! Or get together some kind of network to let females know where you'll be and when. Send an e-mail blast, post on a message board, something!

We're at the "club" because we don't know where else to go. (And yes, that nice lil' poetry "spot" and that dark, comfy jazz "lounge" are included in the "club" category - they sell drinks/food, play music, have people who don't know each other there, perhaps charge admission, and you're sitting right there, scoping out the prospects... Yep, it's a certified "club". So don't look down your nose at those of us who prefer hip-hop and reggae "club"s 'cause u might as well be right there with "us".) because we don't know where else a large group of various people with similar interests will be (Yeah, church is an option. But why look in church, have somebody frontin' and then see the same nigga in the "club" that weekend? I'd rather just catch the nigga in his element.).

Somebody is gonna say, "Well, what about the bookstore? What about your favorite isle in Best Buy? What about...?!" To that I say, "Been there, done that, might as well have been collectin' pay for all the time I spend in those places!" I've gone to the grocery store, I've pumped my gas at the same station, I've walked the mall (and worked in it!). Where did it get me and my relationship situation?

NO-DAMN-WHERE!

And I surely don't make myself unavailable. I am where the dudes that interest me are: I'm at the entertainment industry functions, the fashion shows, the listening parties, the planning meetings. I stay presentable just because that's how I was raised. Yet and still...here I am...SINGLE.

And not looking 'cause it ain't get me nowhere and I'm tired. "Then, what are you complaining about?" I'm not complaining...necessarily...

I feel that I am offering a solution to the problem of people meeting each other. Hopefully, one of the "good nigga"s out there will take what I'm saying to heart. Sit back, look at himself, figure out what he can do to get himself out there and expose (excuse me! not literally! figuratively!) himself to ladies that interest him.

I'm not saying change, I'm just saying make oneself more available. Be sociable.

I am currently "patiently waiting on the Lord". I can't do it on my own 'cause I sure DON'T know how to pick 'em. I'm not saying that I won't even give somebody the chance. I'm just saying that, when approached, I'm the female on that "just accepting friends" tip. And I can sniff out the nigga who tryin' to lay low and strike at the right moment. I'm all hip to that game and won't hesitate to stop it dead in its tracks.

But there are plenty of other females out there, waiting on their Prince Charming. I always say, "Niggas don't know how good they could have it if they just learned to act right!" Can ya'll please report to duty and rescue at least some of 'em?!

I'ma try to focus more in my damn diary. These thoughts be so all over the place that I be losing myself. And I can, and do, keep my random thoughts in another place. So here, I'll make an attempt at some kind of structure, some kind of organization. That's my "new thing" for the coming weeks... If I could only get that room in order, everything else would easily fall into place...

"I'll just do what I can (doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it)..."

antes - despues