2003-06-26 - 2:18 p.m.

6-26-03

Don't I feel like a fool? I have to stay busy so I went to a website and found a data entry job. I noticed that the person who posted the job was a producer. Because he said it would be a lot of work, I enlisted a friend of mine who I know is currently unemployed so that she could make some money.

So, we go meet with him to find out what exactly needs to be done. I'm standing there asking the man who he is. He says Leroy Hutson. I thought the name sounded familiar but I really couldn't figure out from where. I'm asking him if he ever recorded any music or performed anywhere. He says, "Yeah", kinda slowly. I knew somehting was up.

I just looked up his name and the man was (and in a way still is) a superstar. It's amazing. You never think about a person's life when you meet them. You just go off of what you see right now. Child please! I don't even want to imagine how popular this man was.

He sang with The Impressions, he had 11 albums. This man was Donny Hathaway's roommate and actually cowrote "The Ghetto"! He went to school with Roberta Flack and Debbie Allen and Phylicia Rashad. LOL. You'll never believe - I just realized that I'm listening to Donny Hathaway and Roberta Flack on the radio! As soon as I started typing, the song came on... It's a sign! It's a sign! And I'm taking it.

I truly believe that I am going to be working in the music industry. For real. There's not a doubt in my mind anymore. Everything that happens in my life brings me closer and closer to that reality. And I'm not going to fight it anymore. Not at all.

And my feelings for that whole crew on Making of the Band have changed. I am so disappointed in those kids. I really never liked the idea of a hip hop group but I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Then again, why should I be disappointed in them? I couldn't believe that they didn't know "Rapper's Delight" or "Juicy" but they're ready to devote their lives to hip hop (whatever that is now anyways...).

I was sitting there with my jaw dropped trying to comprehend, trying to understand how they were allowed to make it that far without anybody finding that out. But then again, hip hop is totally different from rap. Rap was a way to reach the people, to spread a message that needed to be heard.

Hip Hop? All about entertainment. All about the money. It's sad. I didn't even realize how sad it was until last night. I mean, I knew it was sad but I ain't know it was THAT sad... And Puff was sooooo hurt but that's his fault. That shoulda been one of the qualifying criteria for even getting a chance to audition. They shoulda had some Bad Boy interns out there having the people coming say the words to the songs and, if they ain't know the words, they coulda got they behinds out the line.

And Fred is such a Miami Nigga. (Only people from Miami are allowed to use the term "Miami Nigga" tyvm.) 'Bout to fight one minute and later on, sucking on his damn thumb! Good Lawd! And poor Sara. She the only one who really even cares about the whole thing. I know it's because she knows that she is indispensable. They don't need no damn singer as an official member of the group.

And Babs sometimes rubs me the wrong way but she picked up points last night for expressing that they would never make it on another label. They ain't got nothin' to bring to the table that would make them no stars. No songs, not even a demo. The only person who could make them into something near-listenable is P. Diddy. Say what u want, but look at Total. (I still listen to "Kissing You" to this damn day.)

Speaking of Diddy: Dog, ain't no way you can make them pay enough dues where they deserve the fame they about to get by having them wash no cars for free. It ain't gon' happen man. And u see my man Fred was still pullin' in dem dollaz? (that's a Miami Nigga for ya!) Ain't gon' happen playa. Let it go. I see what you tryin' to do but everybody knows how they got in the game so just move on from there. (And that mic he uses to talk from the truck? It is soooo not cute.)

I just saw a statement. I love it! "I can't remember to forget you." I love it for real! Why? LOL. I don't know. Maybe because I feel like I shoulda thought about it a long time ago since that's my damn problem too!

For me, it's basically saying, "You know. I was supposed to forget you. That was my only responsibility - to forget you and everything you did to me and all the whatever you caused me to feel. But I keep forgetting. Just like "I keep forgetting we're not in love anymore". I just can't make myself remember to forget you like I want to."

Whoo. My damn diary is grindin' lately! LOL. I'ma have to give it a break soon. I can't help it. I'm just at work, trying to stay awake. :P

If you at ya job, I know you feel me!" (I hear ya'll sayin': "Keep going..."). LOL!!!

antes - despues