2003-06-20 - 2:22 p.m.

Boy, I hope I don't pass out at work. I am sleepy. At first, I was just tired, not sleepy. But now? Now, I'm sleepy. I should not have had anything last night. It's the fact that it's free. Anything free floats my boat. LOL. I need to get out of that. I'm a working woman now.

Friday Five (an attempt):

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?

Well, it's naturally nappy, I like to say. People always say, "Oh it can't be that bad." No honey, it's bad. I have broken combs AND brushes up in this piece. A wooden brush and a damn-near glass comb. And trust me, those weren't the only casualties... My mother has forbidden me from ever using her hair tools and has constantly begged me to "Just get a perm." And yeah, it grows (about 2 inches a year, but it grows right? Mmmm-Hmmm.) but you can't even tell because it coils up so tight!

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?

Well, you know, in the beginning, it was the greasy-perm look. Then I started going to the beautician and she used me as her personal storyboard (I had the pinneapple, the hotcurler crimps, the mountain-high obviously fake weave, the burn at the back of my neck cause she wasn't paying attention when she was doing my perm...The usual.). I finally got hip to the weave and stuck with braids forever, then decided to go natural after I dropped a hot curler on my face.

3. How do you normally wear your hair?

These days, in some kind of natural looking style using synthetic hair. My current look has everyone fooled. I'd like to say it's almost as natural looking as Jill Scott's synthetic do (I strive to achieve that kind of fake but still natural-looking coif).

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?

Khia's locs. Yeah, "My Neck, My Back" Khia. I love her hair! I am seriously in love with her hair! The length, the color, the hold. I love it! I want my hair like that right this minute!

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?

Where should I start? Hmmm, let's see. Maybe when my aunt cut off my ponytail when I was a toddler. Or should we speak about the permanent damage my mother caused my hair when she gave me a perm at 5 years old? Because I clearly remember it, I'll stick to the latter. I remember getting that TCB perm and having my hair put into rollers as soon as it was washed and dried. As if it were just yesterday, I remember seeing all of my hair on my white pillow when I woke up the next morning. Traumatizing.

To be honest...since this is my damn diary anyway in case anybody forgot (mainly me)...I was actually pretty down last night and this morning. I had a trigger but, still, I'm suprised at the extent of my downness. I didn't even know how to handle it when it hit me.

I tried to sing it away but my singing voice wouldn't even come out. I didn't even recognize my own speaking voice. I haven't been like that in so long that I didn't know how to handle it. I put on my lil' gospel music and songs that usually lift me up in every situation almost fell on deaf ears. I feel much better now though. Maybe because I'm away from the trigger.

But I'll be seeing the trigger at around 5:30... I'm going to do my best not to let that trigger get the best of me. It's only hurting me in the end anyway. (And I secretly blame a fairly new but already very famous blogger who is usually very funny and upbeat but allowed herself to express that she was in a funk. I read her post for the day right before my trigger got me. You know I had to blame it on somebody! LOL!)

For real though, I know that I've been allowing negativity to get into my head from different places this week. I've been taking things to heart that I shouldn't even be looking into in the first place. I've been looking for things to bother me because I've so damn happy. I didn't quite know how to deal with so much positivity. I'm used to stress. Period. It's always been there. I have a dependency on stress. LOL. It's bad but that's the way I am.

I need to let go of that. The reason I'm in the mood that I am now is because of that. Why am I doing this? Why? Oooh, I wish I knew the answer. I'm going to sit down when I have a chance this weekend and try to understand myself and the reason behind what I'm doing to myself. I'm not gone yet though. I feel the majority of me still holding on. I just want to make sure that I nip this whole down thing right in the butt, 'cause I'm tryna enjoy my summer up in here!

The Friday Five has made me analyze my hair situation and I'm in this mood at the same time? Lord, please don't have me to lose it and cut all my hair off. I ain't ready for that yet. LOL. It keeps sounding like a good idea though. Oh goodness...

I just want this day to be over with. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up and just create happiness. For real. I'm just going to wake up and bask in the peace that I have and the happiness that I feel. Tomorrow is going to be a new day.

Don't hate on my damn optimism. :P!

Other than that, In between too many activities this weekend, I have to go pay bills, clean up my house, wash and clean my car (I mean that bad-boy is duuurty!) and try and get some rest. We'll see if I make it to Monday morning, eh? LOL.

And before I forget:

Mac, how dare you go and get a new layout? Nahnni, you too! I do not appreciate all these pretty changes...without me anyway! Watch out, I'ma creep on a comeup too!

antes - despues