"by making you feel never good enough..."
2003-04-30 - 11:46 p.m.
Here's another "I love the way my life works" story...
So, yesterday, I was feeling a lil' *ahem* by myself again. (Maybe it's the weather...) It carried into day (now that I really think about it, I truly do believe it is this rainy weather. Miamians are not used to gray skies and cold rain.) So, I started going through my cell phone phonebook. I came across my "supplier"s phone numbers. Thought about him for a minute, right? Right.
Later in the day, I thought about him again. I reminisced for a hot second and then said out loud, "I miss ______."
So, I'm in the bed, attempting to force a nap upon myself cause I know I'ma need the energy later. My cell phone rings. I ain't gon' answer it 'cause I'm tired and not up to dealin' with anybody right then. But, being me and me being a female that feels like everytime the phone rings, it's probably important, I pick up my phone to answer it. I guess I was closer to sleep than I thought because I saw the name but thangs still ain't click.
Answer the phone, and it's my damn supplier. I just shook my head...
I really don't need him or this situation right now. I mean it was fun a lil' while back. But after I sat and thought about it, I realized that what I had been saying I wanted all along wasn't really what I want. I was only saying that because I hadn't had the experience to know what I did and did not want. But now that I know, I would rather not deal with that... Confused yet? Yeah? Good, me too. LOL.
I think it's best for me to commit myself to myself for the time being. At least until I get a job or enroll in grad school, ya know? I need stability in my life after this graduation next week. Just so I feel like I have my feet on some kind of solid ground. I've been in school all my life. To get out is kinda scary. I really don't know anything else. I mean, I've done other things in life. But school was always there as the thing to do so I didn't have to worry too much about what to do with alllll of my time. Now, I have to find things to do (i.e. work) so it's a little intimidating...
I'm sleepy and avoiding studying by writing in my damn diary so I think it's time I take leave of this place. Until I write again...