2003-04-21 - 10:23 p.m.

Dearest Diary...I'd rather say Dear Joi since I'm writing to myself...

I gotta get this one out cause it's been bugging me:

Yeah, I was lonely yesterday! Yes I was! So what?! Everybody gets lonely once in a while!

LOL. That was all for me instead of being for anybody else, thankyouverymuch. I was upset with myself for feeling lonely at all because I make sure to have it to where I don't feel lonely. Loneliness = Weakness to me. And I sho' don't like feelin' weak. But, like I said, everybody feels that way at some point. Yesterday was just my day to feel it. And it was when I was around a whole bunch of people and having a wonderful time that I was feeling that way. What made me even more upset was the fact that I was missing a certain somebody, and I think that's what triggered the loneliness... Damn an emotion! LOL!!!

(For those who are looking at those "LOL"s like "wtf?": All I can do is laugh at the way my emotions fluctuate and the fact that I don't like to experience certain emotions even though they are sometimes the most basic part of being human.)

Oh I had the most wonderful Big Bacon Classic from Wendy's this evening. Add the fact that I got the 10% discount 'cause it's right by my school! Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm.

I just wanna go to sleep for a lil bit right now but it's so damn early! I'm very tired. Only three more days of classes. LORD, I can't wait.

I'm sitting here looking up jobs just in case my internship doesn't come through... I hope that it does though. That would really be an experience. I like it so far. It's a lot of work but I don't mind because it's not boring, yaknow? But damn, a female gotta make money this summer cause I gots bills, bills, bills and ain't nobody payin' 'em but me!

I'm still stuck on the fact that I was feelin' like that yesterday. I mean, I was picking up the phone as if somebody had told me to expect their call and looking down the street like somebody was coming to see me! What the hell??!! I still can't believe I was acting like that. It's just hard for me to accept that...

I just need a small physical touch right now. I think - better yet, I know that's what's bringing on these thoughts and feelings. Just a hug. But not any hug. A hug that I want. And not just anybody can give me the hug that I want right about now... The ones that I've been getting lately just aren't cutting it.

I hate being needy! Ugh! Disgusting! LOL!!! I'm going to go visit some little kids tomorrow and I know I'll feel much better after that. Those kids always help me to rethink things and be more positive about everything. Especially Jimmy - gotta remember my dawg.

Aiight. Enough rambling. I ain't come on here to put all this in my damn diary tonight.

antes - despues