It Feels Good! Yeah.
2003-05-07 - 6:46 p.m.
Sometimes, I'm running around so much that my body goes on autopilot. I was awake for 24.5 hours from Saturday @ 6am till Sunday @ 7:30 (the time changed, remember?) with no nap or break in between. Then, I had the nerve to not really be able to sleep after that. I got two hours of sleep and I was right back up, running around and being my usual can't-sit-my-behind-down-for-nothin' self.
But I had a great time around some good peoples on Saturday night so stayin' up was worth it. I'm really comfortable with the friendships that I have with some people. I can be who I want to be and do the things that I want to do and know that they will not judge me. That's a great feeling.
And once again, I've realized that I couldn't find what it is I'm looking for because I don't know what it is I want. But it doesn't matter anyway because as the memo stated, I am no longer on that active search. Things are cool the way they are. What makes it a problem is that everywhere I look and many of the people I talk to are saying that it's not right to be by myself, I'm setting myself up for loneliness and this and that and the other. They don't understand that it all depends on the individual. And right now, my individuality is partly based on the fact that I don't need anything in my life right now - anything extra that is. It's already hard enough for me to focus on one thing at a time. Adding some mental stuff into the equation? Same ol', same ol'.
And damn, if I'm not tired of school! I just want to sit down with all of my professors and tell them, "Look, it's nothing personal. But at this point, there is no reason for me to put forth any more effort into this class. So, from henceforth, I will no longer be attending class, taking exams, etc. I just wanted you to have the heads-up on the situation. Thanks." But I can't do that. Gotta keep at least acting like I care so that I don't completely fail.
Yesterday, me and KB were talking about the significance some people place on kissing someone. I wanna remember that convo, so I'ma leave it at that.
And by the way, the nigga that I was never supposed to see again in life showed up again Saturday night. He's a different person, I can tell. He was afraid to dance with me. Why? I don't know. But he was. So, about the tenth time he came and stood around me, I just did what I had to do. When it was over and done with, I went right on about my business and did not give him another thought. I love getting over people.
Well, nap time is upon me. Ooooh, I love it! LOL!
I'ma write in my damn diary anotha day...