LOL. "We know what you need - a little bit of Jodeci!"
2003-03-19 - 7:44 a.m.
(This entry was actually written last night...but once again, ya'll know how the story goes for da cheapos...)
Heartless Affairs...
That's the name of the color of my nail polish. As I walked around the salon searching for the perfect color (electric blue was my goal), I came across this color. It was dark and scary. It reminded me of blood. It's almost black. I've never had a color like this. I turned it over to see the name of it and as soon as I did, I knew this was the color I was going to use.
I took it to the nail tech and he looked at it and looked at me. I usually get a clear coat with glitter. It's a happy kinda combination yet still sexy. This time though, I wanted something that reflected how I was feeling. I wanted people to see my nails and think something . He read the name of the color out loud. "Heartless Affairs...you know that's what this is called right? That's what you like, huh? Heartless Affairs. I could tell by lookin' at you." Now that I think about it, I don't know if he knew what he was saying to me. Maybe he was just talking about the color. But I took it as he was saying that he knew that I enjoy being involved in affairs that lack heart.
If that's what he was saying, then he would be absolutely correct. I just feel like this is the way my life is supposed to be lived. No emotional connection with whomever I am "involved" with for situation. I don't like being attached at all. When I'm ready to get up and go, I want to be able to pack my stuff and leave, no questions asked. Any situation that I feel is headed towards emotional involvement, I shy away from. Why? 'Cause like I said, I like being in control of me. Anytime I allow someone else to play a part in my decision-making process, it is only because I have some sort of emotional attachment to them. I don't like to feel like I'm making decisions in regards to someone else who probably wouldn't make those same decisions in regards to me. Therefore, I choose not to deal with "affairs of the heart".
I prefer "Heartless Affairs".
It's so weird to me how what I'm feeling inside is expressed in something so small as the name of a nail color. I love stuff like that. LOL.
Yep, this is MY damn diary.