I really know how it feels to be STRESSED OUT, STRESSED OUT!
2002-08-06 - 2:09 p.m.
Hey D.
What's crackin? Nothin' much, I know.
My mind is already feeling overwhelmed at the coming school year. I'm going to be president of an organization. That's what's at the top of my anxiety list. I just don't want things to go wrong. Honestly, I was placed in this position. I've always wanted to be president but I just never wanted the responsibility that comes along with it. I hate failing and I especially don't want to feel like I failed other people. I'll also be taking six courses this semester which I have never done. I don't want to mess that up in my last year.
I'm going to still be working - I hate the job. I just feel bad leaving because my boss is so attached to me. I hate feeling like I let people down so I usually end up in a situation that satisfies them but leaves me hanging off a cliff in some way. I could easily get a better-paying, less stressful job on campus. I may have to let my boss go. She would leave if a better job came along for her - I'm sure of it because she already tried to get a better job.
I'm worried about my financial, living, educational, leadership, romantic and career situations. I'm good at stressing out about things when it's down to the wire. (Something to change.)
What do I want to do with my life? The closer it gets to graduation, the more I realize that I will probably be very unhappy in a job where I'm applying my major course of study for the past two years - Computer Information Systems. I'm working at a software company right now. Most of these people care so much about these programs and shit. I don't care about this crap at all. All I care about are the paychecks that I receive for my time spent here. I don't know what I could care about that would help me to get paid at the same time. All I care about is music but I don't know how I can make money listening to it. I'm trying to find out but it's been a bit difficult.
Feeling overwhelemed causes my mind to want to shut down. I'm beginning to feel like I just want to take a break - which is not an option. School starts in three weeks.
Oh, goodness.
I'm not ready, India. I'm glad that you are, but I'm not.