2002-06-17 - 7:25 p.m.

�Are you telling me you feel

Like you�ve never felt

Uh-oh, my heart

Don�t you know those famous words

Be seen but not heard?

Taboo to Love�

I just realized the other day that Stevie was actually talking to his own heart in this song. See, before I was just singing the song because I thought it was so pretty because it was so sad. I felt like I could feel his sadness right in my own heart. I didn�t understand what was actually being said in the song. Now I see that Stevie was telling his heart to be quiet, not to have the feelings it was having. Now I understand.

Another day Di. Another day.

I�ve had these weird dreams two nights in a row and they�re really beginning to bother me. I�ve dreamt that someone very close to me has either been killed (dream 1) or will be killed (dream 2). It�s worrying me for real because lately, my dreams have shown me what�s going to happen in the near future. For real. Like specific things that were going to happen. I looked up the interpretation for the dreams and they were basically saying that I need to get from under that person and their ideals. But the thing is, the person has always urged me to be independent and be my own person. So I don�t understand why I would need to get from under them.

I�ve been feeling a little more optimistic these past couple of days. I�m a worrywart though so I have a new issue nagging me: What do I want to do with my life? I don�t know! I mean, I�m not terrified about graduating from college and going out into the real world. It�s just that, when people ask me what I�m going to do when I get out, I say �Probably get a county job.� In a way, I don�t like this answer. The county is not the only place that employs people. It�s just that a job with them is so safe and stable. I need that security in my life. The benefits are good. The pay usually always increases as the years go by. It just makes financial sense to take that road.

On the other hand, I wanna have fun in life. I want to experience brand new and exciting things. I want to do things that a lot of people will never have the chance to do. And nothing is stopping me from taking that route but fear � fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. I�m intelligent, I don�t have any kids, I can adapt to new environments very easily�but I�m so afraid of leaving what I�ve known behind in order to pursue all the things I never knew existed. I don�t want to be disappointed or hurt. But those are the things that help us to learn right?

I�m trying to do things now that will help me get the courage and the confidence to venture out and have fun doing something I like to do instead of the same thing everybody else is doing. I don�t know exactly what it is that I want to do but I feel like it�s something to do with the entertainment industry. More specifically, something to do with the music part of it. I have a voice that I�m afraid to use so maybe I�ll start taking voice lessons. I wouldn�t mind being a backup singer. Matter of fact, that�s something I would probably really enjoy doing. I�ve actually thought about it before but I dismissed that possibility as soon as it came up. Now, I�m really gonna look into it.

The day is steadily going by. I�m happy. When I first came to work, I thought I wasn�t gonna make it through the day. Only 4 more hours to go. Not so bad. My paycheck just made my day a little brighter too. :)

Peace Out Diary.

P.S. Harry Potter was off the chain but Lord of the Rings was so much better.

�So you say you�ve lost your head

So you use your heart instead

Beware of Love

This is not like you at all

You vowed to never fall

Taboo to Love

I guess your heart has made you see

It�s better to be free

No taboo to love�

antes - despues