2002-06-07 - 1:30 a.m.

I'm two days behind with this one. It's for June 5, 2002.

Diary, Diary, Diary.

Nothin� much really goin� on today at work. I�m basically just chillin��again.

I went home yesterday and watched The Mole. (It�s either Dorothy or Elavia � but I really think it�s Heather.) I wanted to wash my hair and fix it up cause it�s looking like a gray mess but I didn�t want to miss anything so�it�s still looking like a gray mess.

�I talked to God last night. Think I�m lying? Star-6-9 on my line Twilight.�

Indo G, �Remember Me Ballin�

I had me a nice little talk with God last night. I think he appreciated the calm approach because one of the things I asked for was peaceful sleep last night and that�s exactly what he gave me. I�d been a little testy with him for the last few days. Got a little out of hand one night � so much so that I had to stop and laugh at myself. That�s probably why my heart was feeling a little heavy. I woke up this morning renewed and refreshed, intent on fostering positivity (hey! I just found out posititivity is not a word!) in my life and the lives of others as much as I possibly can.

Interview Question: �What is one of your weaknesses?�

My answer for a job: �I tend to take on too many tasks at once. I�m usually the first one to volunteer to assist someone else who has fallen behind in their work while also trying to complete my own assignments.�

My answer for my life: �I�m too independent. I like to feel like I don�t need anyone or anything to help me feel happy or complete.�

I see that in myself to the nth degree. One man, a straight up, damn-near gangbanger, told me I intimidated him. He told me I reminded him of Sistah Souljah because I had this �I don�t need anything from anybody because I can do it all by myself and I can damn sure take care of myself by myself� type of thing about me. And he�s right. In a way, I don�t want to feel like I need somebody else to provide anything I need � whether it be emotional, physical, financial, whatever � because I don�t want to become dependent on anyone. I don�t want to be in a situation where, no matter what, I will keep that person around because I NEED them for such and such. No matter what they do to me or how bad they treat me, I�ll still keep them in my life because I NEED them for whatever it is they are providing me.

I do that with some friendships. I want their companionship so I keep them around even if they get on my last nerve or they don�t think about me because they�re too busy thinking about themselves. I didn�t see until too late that I was doing that in my relationship as well. I started to need that love and emotion from the other person instead of following the path that was best for me. I�m glad it ended quickly so that I didn�t have the chance to do anymore harm to myself.

Nothin' much else to say so I'll holla.

Peace Di.

antes - despues