Ooooooh...Faith...
2002-06-04 - 10:29 p.m.
This was an entry for yesterday but I just got a chance to put it in. Deal.
Wussup Diary?
I'm at work, as usual. It ain't so bad today though. I got to finally get into the system they use and try to find my way the hell around. It ain't exactly fun but it gets my mind working and that's enough for me.
This weekend, I laid around so much! Saturday, all I did was lay in bed. On Sunday, I finally got up and did some returns at some stores I been holding onto stuff from. I paid some bills. I rode around with my momma, searching high and low for a not-so-ghetto Winn-Dixie (that's a grocery store) so we could use the Membership Rewards card. (All we saved was three dollars and ninety-three cents. Momma was not happy and neither was I.). That was fun in itself. LOL. I saw this "handsome young man" (as my mother likes to say). We were exchanging glances but both of us were trying to be cool because my moms was there.
It's funny though cause she was trying to help me out. She hates when I say that I'm happy by myself because she wants me to love somebody. She knows that I close myself off from doing that and she hates it. But she also realizes that she raised a very independent daughter who does not need to be in a relationship that makes her unhappy just to know happiness. She knows that isn't true happiness so she doesn't force the issue. She just tries to lead me in the right direction. LOL. I love her so much. At too many times, if it wasn't for her, I don't know where I would have ended up. She saved my life too many times to count. Literally.
I'm reading Eric Jerome Dickey's "Between Lovers". I know I'm behind in my reading. That's why I collected five novels in my travels yesterday. I'm almost half done and I only put in about two hours. That man knows how to write. I just feel his characters so much. I see them in my eyes as I read. I watch them run and argue. I hear them thinking. It's so weird but it's such a good feeling - to be transported from what you're doing and where you're going to inside of whatever is happening in the novel. I've never physically been to Paris but I went there mentally last night. That's what reading does for me.
I don't strictly read novels though. I read everything. I read people who just have something to say. I love the fact that this is a place where people can publish what is on their minds. Their passion for whatever irks them or whatever they feel needs to be brought to light inspires me to do the things I want to do and say the things I want to say.
I've decided to spoil myself this summer. I'm young. I'm about to attend my last year of college. I believe it's about that time for me to be all about me dammit. I'm also going to express my uniqueness in every way possible this summer. Hopefully, I'll get to travel a little bit. Not too far but not so close either. I'm going to loc up my hair. It's natural and it's in twists right now. I don't have anything else to do with it and I've always admired locs on other people so I figure it's time for me to take the plunge.
I'm getting my tattoo for real this time. Maybe the middle of summer or right before I go back to school. It's going to say my favorite scripture: "Faith is the substance of things hoped for. It is the evidence of things not seen." If I had never heard that scripture, I wouldn't be sitting here typing today because I would have gone crazy by now. People will never know that I have come so close to ending it all more than my share of times because things were so hard to deal with. To hear me speak of my love for and faith in God�people would just never know. Faith Evans reminded me as many times as I needed to hear: "If I just hold my peace/Let the Lord fight my battles/If I just Keep The Faith through the night."
Joy comes in the morning time Diary.
P.S. I haven't had the desire to write much mushy poetry or songs in the past couple of days. Guess my muse ain't 'musing me no mo'. Good thing.