Still nothin'.
2003-08-27 - 9:18 a.m.
I know conjunctivitis is trying its best to become a part of my eye(s). They are a little sore, feel like they have sand in 'em, lots of cold in my eye... Yeah, I think it's well on its way.
Now, momma is pulling back from me! Now I have the power! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I'ma snatch them coupons on Sunday! Okay, before I turn into the devil from "Legend" (a movie I have always loved)...
All I'ma say is Tyrese need to get some Aquaphor and grease them damn lips up! A female like me ain't got mucha nothin', but I sho' don't walk around with no assy (yes, I said ASSY) lips.
Just thought I'd mention that I've been doing my best to hit the treadmill up religiously. For the first time since the age of 9, my thighs are becoming two separate entities, free to move independently of each other... I almost fell back down the steps I had ascended to come into work when I saw my reflection in the glass doors this morning. I'm on my way...
And I realized that the issue with me connecting with members of the opposite sex is the problem of them assuming I'm like most other females. This was solidified through a very long conversation I had via IM that left my fingers pretty numb.
I am not and never have been like anybody else. I think very differently from most because of situations I experienced coming up. What happens with me is I may say a common phrase but I don't mean the common meaning. I say, "A nigga gotta be financially stable" but not for any personal reasons. I believe a nigga need to be financially stable all for his damn self. I am not concerned with what money I could receive from him. I just want him to be able to do for himself. That way, he ain't lookin' for a handout from me and he can be secure with other things about himself because he is able to hold himself down. For me, this expectation cuts out the "boys really lookin' for a momma to take care of him" niggas.
But, because it is assumed that I am like many other females, when I say "A nigga gotta be financially stable.", before I am allowed to explain myself, the assumption is made that I am like others and mean that "A nigga gotta be able to pay his bills, my bills and THEN take me out." when that thought never even crossed my mind. I take pride in the fact that I can financially take care of myself. I'm not looking for anybody to do that for me right now.
I want somebody who has their ish together and, if they are the right one for me, they will expect the same from me. I value security, a steady path, focus, drive. I can't see myself gettin' wit' nobody who don't know what they wanna do, they don't even know what the hell is going on. I just can't see myself rolling with nobody like that. I need somebody who is on their way somewhere. I don't care if your goal is to climb the tallest building in Fiji as long as you practicing climbing buildings and you working to secure sponsors and you researching wind patterns RIGHT NOW. If you gon' tell me, "One day I'ma climb the tallest building in Fiji" but as of right now, you spendin' the majority of your time lazing around, not doin' nothin' that could help you get there, I'm not gon' believe that that is what you wanna do and I'm not gon' stick around to see if you ever start working towards that goal. I ain't got time for that.
I'm tryin' to get where I'm supposed to be my damn self.
We can't both be struggling. Sorry, it naw wuh li' dat.
It is so weird to me that people you never think would know your name do know it. That's why you always gotta watch yourself...
"I know you'd kill for me, die for me
I know you like to rip and run the streets
But I get worried sometimes and I can't help but to think
You might not make it home to eat
I fell asleep"
The remnants of Monday's tributes...