???? more like !!!!!
2002-11-01 - 2:49 p.m.
While I have these minutes to spare...
Over the last few days, I've found myself wishing for that 1978 LeBaron that barely worked but gave me all it had to give. That car never really let me down. Even when it cut off everytime I turned a corner, it would crank right back up for me before it even stopped. Even though I had no defroster so that when it rained, I couldn't see outside, it still gave me the coldest air from the air conditioner. Even though it shook and rattled, it rolled - and that was the most important thing. Like I said, that car never let me down.
I need something like that in my life right now. Something that won't let me down. Even though no one has done that to me recently, I just feel like I'm being let down. Period. I know it's confusing because I'm confused but I don't know how else to express it. Maybe I believe I'm letting myself down.
* Damn, I think I just found the answer. *
I've come so far. Let me rephrase that, I've been brought so far. My life has been blessed so much and I've received and been exposed to so much because of it. And what am I doing with all that I've been given? Nothing - at least that's what it feels like to me.
I've been blessed with this superb education. What are my grades? Straight B's because I don't feel like doing the work. Am I going to be working in the field for which I'm studying? Uh, yeah right. Do I care about what I'm learning? Hell no.
I've been blessed with a talent. Am I using it? No. Why? Because I haven't taken the time to develop it. Again, why? Because I don't trust it. And whose fault is that? Mine.
A position I hold affords me the opportunity to meet so many influential people and lead others in that direction. Am I making full use of this? I call myself trying to but my heart's almost not really in it. Is there an explanation for this one? Not one that I care to address.
What is my problem? Hmmm... That's the damn question.
I'm praying for direction, peace, assurance, trust, security...
"The God we serve will make his presence known...When we praise, When we praise"
Later.