Remembrance...
2002-01-24 - 3:52 p.m.
Wussup? Ain't much been crackin' in my life. The new semester just started. I was off to a rocky start as far as some of the relationships I have with people at the school. I'm working on overcoming the issues I have with those people because they aren't the ones to blame for my feelings. They don't understand that it's in my nature to care about people and what they're thinking and how what I'm doing is affecting their life. Why should I blame them for not giving a thought to how what they do could change my life or hurt me or help me in any way? Why should I be upset with them for being so selfish in the way they live their life? When I think about it this way, I shouldn't be. I don't have the right to. It's an "every man for himself" kinda world, right? Who am I to think that one human being should think about another? Really, who gave me that right? Before I start to think about it any further, let me move on� I'm in the position right now to be able to purchase a nice used vehicle (Lord knows I need one!). I'm a baby with my mother sometimes because I know that she is the only other person who went through those HARD times with me growing up. She is the only person who can understand where I'm coming from when I say thank you for what I have now because I remember all the things I didn't have back then. Whenever I'm down, she helps me to realize that my life has NEVER been better than it is right now. (It sho'll is our time Mommy.) Anyway, the point to this is that she brought up something that my mind had completely forgotten about. (For anybody who is reading this, I'm about to go into a bit of a short-story-type-thang so, if you're tired of reading already, gon' on head and find something else to do. On the other hand, if you want to hear sorry read a good story, keep reading.) Once, when I was in middle school, my mother finally had the energy after her day at work to come out to the school and participate in a parent night or either view one of my performances in the school orchestra (yes, I played the violin in middle school). She had caught a taxi to my school and I just stayed after school so I was already there. Well, everything was over so she called a taxi to come and pick us up. We went outside a door that locked after you left and waited for 30 minutes. The taxi never came. Luckily, somebody was coming out of the door to the building so we were able to get back in. She called another taxi. So that we could be able to get back in, my mom put a piece of paper in the door's lock so that it would not keep us out if we needed to get back in. We went back and forth like this for almost two hours. At one point, my mother was flagging down a police officer because she thought it was the taxi. I finally convinced her that we should just walk to the major street and call one from there. That was one of the longest walks I have ever taken. We had to go from 85th street and NW 2nd Ave to 95th street and NW 7th Ave. I felt so bad for my mother because she suffers from a lot of arthritis and other health issues. Walking down the street is hard on her. It was late at night and we were no where near a nice area of the town. A man on a bike was following us about halfway. I just knew that I was going to have to fight a grown man to protect my mother. I was ready to do it though. Not for a second did I doubt that I could. I was afraid the whole time so I can't imagine what my mother was going through. But we made it. We made it. We made it. So, when I was talking to my mom the other day and I was complaining about things, she reminded me of that time when I thought there was no way we could make it and we did. I just wanted to cry because I know that there is nothing in my life now that could put me in as hard a situation or any of the situations I used to be in. My life is so good right now compared to what it was. It hurts me that in what should be the happiest times of my life, I am allowing what I let other people make me think and feel affect my level of appreciation and bliss in what I have in my life now. I must stop this foolishness. For real. I can't let it go on. I have to take control of my happiness and make the most out of my life. I have to if I mean to stay alive.